Supportive Spouse Syndrome

Yes, I said Supportive Spouse Syndrome. It seems to be that way in today’s society. So many people my age seem to be in it for themselves only. Marriage is not “all about me” but, at least in my opinion, it is “all about us.” 

We have all heard the old adage that marriage is 50/50. But a very wise NCO once told me while I was enlisted that if each partner only gives 50%, then the marriage is doomed to fail. That makes sense. If I only had half of Cowboy, we would fail. If he only had half of me, we would fail. I couldn’t imagine holding half of myself back. 

This brings me back to my statement about SSS. I proudly have SSS. Unlike most people our age, Cowboy and I used traditional themes in our wedding vows. I vowed to love, honor, obey, support, and cherish. He vowed to love, honor, respect, support and cherish. I also vowed to follow his lead, trusting him to have the final say in domestic matters. He also vowed to listen to my views and make informed decisions that will not betray my trust in him. 

We both know the gravity of those vows, and how uncommon it is within our social circle to speak and, more importantly, live those words. While we may not be “religious” in the traditional sense, and we don’t hold to the Catholic faith I was raised in, we do have a very Biblical marriage. 

We recently had some tough times, and I was actually called stupid for not walking out on Cowboy and walking away from my marriage. How is that being supportive of my husband? I didn’t make my vows for only the good times, but also for the bad. Support and love don’t go away when times are tough. 

I take my vow to stand beside my husband at all times very seriously. For my part, I bolster his ego, not emasculate him or “kick him when he’s down,” my job, no my privilege, is to be there for him, his shoulder to cry on, the one person he can rely on when the world is beating him down. 

I’m proud to say my support of him has never wavered. I’m more in love with this man today than I was when we exchanged those vows almost 15 years ago. Following his lead has never led our relationship in the wrong direction and our marriage is happier than those of our friends, many of whom are on their second or third marriage. Holding the sanctity of our vows and the words said so near and dear has deepened our bond with each other and, in many ways, has strengthened our faith as well. 

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