The Trans in the Military Issue

For my own reasons, I am all for LGBTQ rights. The libertarian in me says, whatever you do in your personal life is none of my business, just don’t force it on me or continue to throw it in my face. You do you, Boo!
My issue right now is how people are reacting to the recent announcement that trans people will not be allowed to serve OPENLY in the military. Honestly, this is no change from the way it has been since the beginning of our great country.
A group of able bodied people is not being excluded from service. All able bodied people are, actually, welcome into the military.
So, why make the announcement? Well, the military is not a place for social experimentation. It is not the place to make a social stand or to make yourself stand out.
Why does the military wear uniforms? Why do they drill and march? Why do they have all those rules about conduct, dress, appearance?
Part of what the military does, how it functions so well, is that, from day one of basic training, they tear down the individual and begin building something new, something uniform. The military functions as ONE cohesive unit, everyone in lock step, everyone looking the same. You ever notice that, when a military formation is marching along, everyone is in the same uniform? If the uniform of the day is BDUs and you wear blues, you are not in the same formation. Everyone looks the same.
Being an individual is not a good thing in the military. THAT is why the announcement was made. It was not to exclude a group of people or to set things back. No, it was to ensure that we continue to be the greatest fighting force on the planet. That fighting force needs discipline, cohesion, unity and uniformity.
And guess what? When you CHOOSE to join the United States Military, you are CHOOSING to follow the policies. You CHOOSE to give up your individuality, you CHOOSE to agree to obey the orders of those appointed above you, INCLUDING the President. We do not force people to serve. Our military is 100% voluntary. Don’t like a policy? Don’t agree with what the military is doing? Then don’t join. Don’t force a social issue on the military.

Requiem For A Bra

No matter what you call it, finding a good, comfortable, sexy bra can be like finding the Holy Grail. It seems like lingerie designers seem to think that if you are larger than a D cup, your size is enough and you don’t need or want something that looks good. Function over fashion, right?
When you do find one that you like that does not look like it uses 3 yards of fabric, it is twice the price our smaller cup size sisters pay. Then, the retailer, usually Victoria Secret, will discontinue your new found bra. There are times when it is like the episode of Married… With Children when they discontinue Peggy’s bra and she is in a panic trying to find one she likes before the old one breaks.
Every time you wash your well fitting, sexy bra you feel like you should sacrifice something to the gods of elastic and underwires before putting it in the machine to ensure the garment survives the ordeal.
Because of the expense and difficulty finding one, most of us only have 2 good bras that fit well and also look good. You know the kind of bra I’m talking about. It just looks killer on you and provides the support you need when you have a larger chest. And if the bra breaks… Heartbreak.
While doing my laundry for work today, I found that, somehow, both underwires of my good bra were snapped!
I have one more good bra that fits well, but this loss hurts, not sure when I will be able to replace this bra. It is like losing a dear friend.

Glazes

These are the glazes and toppings I use for the donuts from my last post.

Krispy Kreme Glaze
1 cup powdered sugar
1 TBLS boiling water
1 tsp vanilla

Combine in a shallow, wide bowl until smooth. Dip fried donuts and holes in the glaze while warm. To glaze holes, put all the holes in a large tupperware container with half the glaze. Firmly put the cover on the container and shake.

Cinnamon Sugar Topping
2 cups granulated sugar
2 TBLS cinnamon

Mix thoroughly. Dip warm donuts in the mixture. Coat holes in the same way as with the glaze

Toasted Coconut Topping
1 cup coconut flakes

Toast coconut flakes in a small skillet with no oil until just fragrant and they start to turn golden brown. Coat only 1 side of donuts with the toasted coconut flakes. Combines well with the Nutella glaze.

Nutella Glaze
1 Cup Nutella Spread
1 tsp coconut oil

Melt in microwave for 30 second intervals until smooth. Dip one side of donuts in the glaze. Can add rainbow sprinkles or coconut flakes while glaze is still wet.

Time to make the donuts!

I officially have a new obsession! For the last few months, I have been making my own donuts for my family and they are amazing! None of us will really eat store bought donuts anymore now! Lol. These are the two recipes I tend to stick with. I will post a separate entry for the glazes I use.

Quick Donuts:
2 Packets Fast Rising Yeast
1 Cup lukewarm water
3 TBLS sugar
1 egg, well beaten
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/3 Cup melted butter
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp salt
3-4 cups AP Flour
oil for cooking (I use veggie oil, about an inch in my big pot I use to cook pasta)

In the bowl of your mixer with the dough hook attached, add yeast, water and sugar. Allow mixture to sit until bubbles form on top of mixture (about 8 minutes depending on the temperature and humidity of your kitchen).
Add the rest of ingredients and mix with dough hook, knead dough for 1 minute. (Add flour about 1/8cup at a time until dough is no longer sticky, amount needed depends on the humidity of your kitchen, I usually use about 4 cups).
On a floured surface, kneed by hand for an additional minute. Roll out to about 1/4″ thick and cut out donuts. You can use almost anything to cut them out, use either a large biscuit cutter for the outer circle and a smaller one for the hole, or a large glass for outer circle and a shot glass for the hole, anything really. Rekneed the scraps together to cut out more donuts, but no more than three times or the dough becomes too tough and does not rise properly.¬† This recipe will yield about 20 donuts and 26 donut holes (the 6 additional ones will come from the last of the scrap dough).
Place donuts and holes on a lightly floured surface and cover with a slightly damp kitchen towel (with the space this many donuts takes up, you will be tempted to use a single bath towel, do not, it will be too heavy for the donuts to rise properly). Allow to rise for 30-45 minutes. (I usually wait the half hour then set up the oil pot and begin to make the glazes for the last 15 minutes).
Place the donuts in the oil, no more than three at a time. Fry for 1-2 minutes per side then flip. The donuts will be golden brown. Transfer to a large plate covered in paper towels or napkins to drain. Drop in glaze while still warm.
The holes will only take about 30 seconds each.
Any left overs can be frozen before they are glazed for another time. Freeze for up to 6 months, although they never last that long around here.

Bread Machine Donuts:
1/2 cup milk (80*F)
1/4 cup water (room temp)
1/4 cup veggie oil
1 egg, room temp, lightly beaten
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup sugar
3 cups bread flour
1 packet active dry yeast

Add all ingredients to the bowl of your bread maker. Use the dough setting and turn it on. Check after about five minutes, if dough is too sticky, add flour 3 TBLS at a time until it is not sticky. Allow bread machine to do its thing. Rise should take about an hour to an hour and 20 minutes depending on your machine.
When dough cycle is over, turn risen dough out onto a floured surface and roll out to 1/4″ thick. Cut donuts as before, this should yield 2 dozen depending on size.
Place cut dough on a floured surface and cover with a very slightly damp kitchen towel. Allow to rise until dough does not bounce back when pressed slightly, about 45 minutes.
Fry as before.

Suddenly

We all grow up with people saying, either to you or about someone else, “Oh, when she gets older and her metabolism slows down, she will balloon up,” or “Just wait until you are older and your body changes.” When you hear these phrases, though, most young people think it will be a slow change. Something you don’t really notice because it happens over time.
Ha! Let me tell you, some of these changes seem to happen overnight. You go to bed one night, and the next day, its like POOF! The change happens.
Lets get personal here for a minute. Any guys reading this might want to close the window now, since we are talking periods.
For the last year and a half, I would bleed for 3 to 3 1/2 weeks, and I’m not talking a light spotting either, but a heavy bleeding. Then, four months ago, I started. So I went to the store and purchased the four boxes of sanitary products I usually use for a period. Three days pass with my normal heavy bleeding. The fourth day after work I go to change the cup, since they can be worn for 12 hours without leakage, so it lasts all day during work. It is empty!
I think, ok, this happens occasionally, I will go a day without bleeding during the 3 weeks, nothing abnormal for me about that. The next day, still no blood. A week goes by and it is starting to sink it. Did I really just have the shortest period of my life?
It has been this way for the last four months! I gotta say, this is one change I am ok with!

Jealousy

In general, I consider myself to not be a very jealous person. But, in this case, I just can’t help myself, and I think the issue is starting to effect my mental health.
Social media can be a wonderful thing at times, but at other times, it can be a disaster. I have been staying away from a friend’s facebook page because I feel myself slipping into depression and it is nothing against this friend, its not her fault, just as the issue is not my fault. I am working on letting go of the guilt and sadness the issue has caused. It’s a slow process, and I have to take it day-by-day.
What am I jealous of, you ask? I see all these beautiful families with multiple children and it pains me. I also see a mother who is celebrating the “last firsts” as she goes through the milestones of her last child’s first year.
I never got to celebrate and cherish those moments of knowing those were the last firsts. With Mini, I cherished the moments as the first firsts. The last-firsts are bittersweet for a mother, and celebrating them is a milestone for a mother, in many ways.
Mini’s firsts were bittersweet for us for other reasons, but we did not get to celebrate the “last firsts” with him because we planned on more children. My body, on the other hand, did not agree. Well meaning people continue to mention that we should be happy and thankful we have Mini and that he is our miracle child. Yes, he is, and we are very thankful for him and that he was born healthy, despite the complications that led to his birth, but those thoughts do nothing to help, they, in fact, make the mental state of a mother worse. We know how blessed we are to have been able to have Mini, we do not need constant reminders from well meaning people.
Those reminders are just reminders of what we do not have, the children we spent countless nights wishing for, planning for. Cowboy’s little Irish Princess, Mamma’s tiny dancer. The countless negative pregnancy tests, the tears and fears.
The sentiments are reminders of the heartbreak of yet another miscarriage. Most of all, the well meaning expressions of semi-sympathy are reminders of our girls. Of the two children we buried. The loss no mother should ever have to face.
People often ask how I can go on. They ask if one ever gets over the pain of that loss. To answer, I think Rose Kennedy said it best, “It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind protecting its sanity covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens but it is never gone.”
Back to the original point of this post, though. How does one get over the jealousy and celebrate another’s “last firsts” as a friend? How does one get over the feeling of being robbed of their life’s dream? How does one sit back and be happy for peers who are just starting to build their families, or who are expanding their families, when one dies a little inside with every pregnancy announcement? How does one get back those bittersweet missed moments? Is it polite to tell the well-meaning friends that their sentiments reminding us of the blessing Mini is, or to be thankful for the child who survived do not help? That those thoughts imply that we are not thankful and do not realize how blessed we are to have Mini? Will I ever be able to look at or hold an infant and not see my daughters and feel that heartache?
“You know, when I would see that stuff on the news, I would shut it off because it was just too horrible to think, but I would always think, ‘how do they wake up every day?’ I mean, how do they…how do they breathe, honey? But you do wake up. And for just a second, you forget. And then, oh, you remember. And it’s like getting that call again and again, every time. You don’t get to stop waking up. You have to keep on being a parent even though you don’t have a child anymore.” ~Carol, Glee Season 5, Episode 3, “The Quarterback”

Weakness

I had a moment of weakness yesterday. During a break at work, I emailed myself an entry to post when I got home. My paranoia was in high gear and I was feeling down on myself.
Stuff at work was stressful and I was not feeling good about the situation and the way things looked. I felt like i was being passed over, again, looking at things through the eyes of a paranoid person. I don’t know why I have this paranoia, but I do. Years of being bullied maybe, who knows.
So the situation wasn’t a good one and I was just feeling down. I worked out the situation in my mind and realized that what I interpreted as something was not what i assumed.
Perhaps I will post the entry I emailed myself, as a reminder of how I can interpret things one way when they are really another.